I've been a bit quiet lately, it's been hard keeping my Facebook page updated, let alone my blog. A lot has been going on and although I don't usually say too much about my personal life online, I feel like I should explain a bit about why I've not been around as much as usual.
Some of you may know that a few weeks ago my 8 year old son, Josh, was diagnosed with ADHD. For years I've been trying to get someone to take me seriously when it comes to my concerns over his behaviour. I've had people judging my parenting ability and telling me I can't control my own son, and I actually started to believe them when they said it was all my fault. I was only 17 when I had him, and I thought that maybe me being a young mother was the reason for him being 'different' to other kids. Maybe I wasn't capable of looking after a child properly and that's why he was 'naughty'.
Disapproving looks from strangers, nasty comments from parents at the school gates, having to walk out of the supermarket to avoid everybody staring at us, being called into school time and time again and feeling like the worst parent in the world... believe me, I've been through it all. Don't get me wrong, all kids can be challenging and I'm sure every parent out there has felt like I do at some point. But unless you've lived with a child with ADHD before then it's difficult to understand how exhausting it is. You don't realise how much it affects everyday life until you're the one dealing with it.
I was fobbed off by the first person we saw at CAMHS. He said to me that all kids are defiant and will push their parents to the limit. He made me feel like it was my fault and that it was my parenting skills (or lack of!) to blame. Obviously, because he was a professional, I thought he had to be right. But in the back of my mind I always knew there was something more to it. Josh's teacher even said to me that he was certain it was ADHD, so I kept pushing and finally got Josh assessed. Eventually they gave us the diagnosis, and it was hard to hear it 'officially' but I felt relief more than anything. The best thing for me was finally knowing that it's NOT my fault.
So that was that, and I thought that we could learn new techniques to manage his behaviour, and maybe get medication to help, and that things would calm down and get better. However, today we went for another assessment, this time regarding Josh's movement and perceptual skills. I honestly thought there was nothing to be concerned about but it turns out that he has a lot of problems with co-ordination and movement. Things that I've never thought about before, but listening to the therapist giving feedback today, I knew exactly what she meant and somehow it all made sense.
She described Josh as a very complex little boy - some may think that's a bad thing but to me it makes him even more special. It doesn't matter to me what problems or difficulties he has, I love him just the same. He drives me mad, he has me tearing my hair out and sometimes has me wishing I could disappear for an hour and not deal with any of it... but I wouldn't change him for the world.
So obviously this has been quite a rough few months. Work has taken a back seat and things haven't been happening as quickly as they should, so I apologise. I'm trying my hardest to keep on top of all orders and I'm hoping that soon I'll be back on track :)
For now, here are some photos of a few recent orders...
xxx
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